


ladylike is not a curse (or how toph beifong unlearns her toxic masculinity)

by greyedscale



Series: atla femslash week 2020 [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: ATLA Femslash Week 2020, Ableism, F/F, Kiyoshi is my favorite avatar fight me, Sexist Language, consequences of having been treated as helpless for one’s entire life, kiyoshi island, soft, unlearning toxi masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25860034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyedscale/pseuds/greyedscale
Summary: The Beifongs are vacationing on Kiyoshi Island, much to Toph’s displeasure. One rebellion later, and all of a sudden, she’s learning the meaning of ladylike, as Kiyoshi defined it with the warriors of the island.
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Suki
Series: atla femslash week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876537
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	ladylike is not a curse (or how toph beifong unlearns her toxic masculinity)

Toph was angry–not that that wasn’t she wasn’t angry pretty much every day of her life. Or rather, she wasn’t necessarily angry but frustrated. Her parents had, once again, decided to family plans without consulting her whatsoever. As the noble Beifong family, they couldn’t simply spend their vacation days at home; no, they had to visit _exotic_ , _historic_ locations or they’ve _wasted_ _perfectly good time_. So, here she was, on a wooden boat with no earth anywhere for Toph to ‘see’ with, on their way to Kiyoshi Island. ‘ _It would be good for us_ ,’ her mother had declared. _Maybe you’ll learn some decorum for once in your life, Toph_ ,’ she had simpered. Never mind that the rough feeling of wood–with no vibration feedback–made Toph feel _naked_ , vulnerable. It scared her that what little independence, the _strength_ , she had gained since she had learned earthbending from the badger moles was just…completely gone, just like that.

So, she sulked in her room on this passenger boat. It wasn’t that she was a rich girl throwing a tantrum about not getting her way; it was more that she was sick and tired of her parents deciding what was best for her without considering her actual feelings or reality. However, since Toph didn’t have any real power–not as an heir to the Beifong family since she was blind anyway–since she didn’t have any societal power, she couldn’t really protest anything her parents decided for her. And there, was the root of all her frustration. This…inability to truly do anything with any meaning. So what if she rebelled against her class? What if she learned the rules of a high society girl just to spit in the face of all of them? What then?

It’s not like the consequences were that dire anyway; it’s not like Toph would truly be able to do what she wanted either way. So, why not spend her time trapped being closer, ever closer to her ultimate goal?

In the end, it wasn’t as if Toph didn’t know she had been lucky to be born into high standing, lucky that she didn’t have to face the hardships of being both disabled and looked down upon by society…but she couldn’t help but wish someone else had been born in her position, someone more worthy of that privilege, someone who could actually make use of high standing rather than staying still and moping around the way she did. Toph…didn’t like her life, but she was lost, didn’t know what to do about it anymore.

She sighs and leans back on her arms more. Guess there’s no use thinking about this while on a freakin’ boat in the middle of the sea. There has to be a better way to pass time…like planning her escape once they hit land.

Yes, the moment the cruise makes it to Kiyo-whatever island, Toph is going to run away, make her parents track her down the whole trip. If they were going to ruin her vacation, then the least she could do is ruin theirs. (And if there’s a small part of her that worries that her parents won’t even bother, won’t even care enough to track her down…well, Toph had always been stubborn and Very Good at being in denial.)

It takes more days than Toph is comfortable with for the ship to finally make it to the island her parents had chosen. She heard a crew member call it Kiyoshi Island.

“Toph,” she hears her mother’s voice call out through the door. “It’s time to get dressed.”

“Yes, Mother,” she replies dully, digging around for the impractical, _girly_ clothing her parents had packed for her.

Her mother rapts three times on the door with precise intervals in between. “Two servants will be by shortly to help you into your clothes, so don’t go ruining it by trying to do stuff yourself, alright, Toph?”

It irritates Toph that her mother won’t even let her do this by herself, but she knows protesting is futile. She sighs. “Yes, Mother.”

A few minutes later, she hears a voice announce her presence. “Little Miss? Mistress has sent Hana and I to come help you get dressed. May we enter your room?” She hears the rustling of fabric and knows that the two women are curtseying in front of her door, despite her being unable to see them either way.

“You may enter,” she pronounces in a soft, bored voice, the one she’s been trained to use in front of _others_ by her tutors.

“Mother wants me to wear the new outfit,” Toph begins, “but” and she inflects a certain quality of helplessness, “I don’t feel comfortable with the material during the fitting. Could you please put on some clothes underneath so it doesn’t touch my skin?” She shifts her lips in a way she’s been told is a pout and makes an expression on her face that always gets her her way. “I don’t want to get you two in trouble, but I also really don’t want to wear those clothes.”

There’s a pause during which Toph imagines that the two servants are exchanging glances, debating on whether they are allowed to follow through with her request.

The one who spoke up earlier, Rin, finally replies, a sigh tinging her every word. “That should not be a problem, Miss. Now, please, allow us to help you stand up so we may start helping you into your clothes.”

Instead of responding, Toph extends her arms out at her sides, staying as still as a mannequin so as to not disturb their process. She hears and feels the two servants bustling around her in a practiced manner.

“Miss,” Rin gently prompts. Toph hums in acknowledgement. “We’ve finished dressing you. May we lead you out to meet your parents?”

“Very well. Give me a moment to collect my things,” Toph responds demurely.

“Of course, Miss.” The two women exit her room, and once Toph hears the click of the door, she scrambles around, feeling for the items she had brought that would facilitate her escape. She loosens her shoes just a tiny bit as well.

She raises her voice a little. “Rin? Hana? May you ask someone to come grab my things?”

She hears the door open and feels Rin’s hand gently grab hers. Hana must be the one that went to follow her instructions.

She follows the cues she senses from Rin’s body as they make their way through the winding halls of boat. Toph almost trips at least three times due to the unfamiliar feel of her shoes. She hates shoes.

They emerge on the deck, and Rin continues to guide Toph down the platform and stairs connecting the boat to the island. The moment she hears her parents quiet murmurs, she is ready.

“Mother, do I have to wear my shoes? They’re uncomfortable,” Toph begins, purposely being obstinate.

She hears her mother’s aghast gasp, and while she is searching for words, Toph’s father starts lecturing her. “Of course you do, Toph.” She can almost hear his frown. “You are a lady of good standing.” She knows what he means, but she’s _sick and tired_ of her parents ignoring her feelings–even when she’s told them many times _why_ she goes barefoot.

“Well,” she drawls, feet tensing as she gets ready, “You’ll have to find me if you want to force me to do that.” She kicks off her shoes as she’s talking, and takes off at a run.

“Ahhh, sweet, sweet, earth!” she cries out, enjoying the feeling of vibrations she can finally sense again, enjoying being able _to see_ again.

Her parents are too shocked to follow her.

* * *

It doesn’t take long for Toph to find a relatively isolated spot. She’s long since discarded her fancy clothing, walking around in only whatever Rin and Hana had chosen to dress her in underneath the girly clothing her mother had wanted her in. She’s resting beneath a tree, feet sticking out of the shade to soak in some sunlight, toes wriggling in the comforting feeling of earth which she has not been able to feel for over a week now. Suddenly, she feels someone approach her, but she does not change her position, pretending to be as unobservant as sighted people.

“Hello, are you lost,” a soft and dignified voice asks her.

Toph pretends to startle, before smirking. “No.” She spits on the ground, just close enough to the voice to make most people cringe, but not in a trajectory that would actually land on that person.

“You know,” the voice continues still irritatingly composed, “ignoring a helping hand isn’t very ladylike of you.”

“What would you know,” Toph scoffs, “I doubt you’re nobility.”

“No,” the voice agrees affably, “but I’m a warrior.”

“Your voice is pretty high and your body’s pretty small for a man,” Toph tries to taunt. Although, it didn’t really make sense because from everything Toph can hear and feel, she’s talking to a woman.

There’s a tinkling laughter, and Toph doesn’t know whether to be offended that she’s being laughed at or soothed by the pleasing sound.

Toph decides to be irritated–it is her normal mood, after all. “You know, it’s not nice to laugh at a blind girl.” She opens her previously closed eyes drowsily, although it doesn’t really change her perception of anything. The laughter dies down slowly, but the person she’s talking to doesn’t seem phased at all, judging by the regular, steady beat of her heart.

“I wasn’t laughing at you,” she explains seriously yet lightly, “I was laughing because I’m not a man.”

Toph frowns. “But it’s not ladylike for a woman to involve herself in matters of war,” she parrots her mother’s oft repeated phrase for when she asks why she can’t learn offensive earthbending–not that it’s stopped her from learning anyway. They didn’t call her the Blind Bandit in the Underground for no reason.

“All the warriors on this island are women,” the stranger counters, “Why don’t you come ‘see’ us for yourself, Earthbender?”

Toph’s mouth falls open slightly, “How did you know?”

“Your calluses,” the warrior responds, “That, and you’ve been staring directly at me for our whole conversation. Come this way,” Toph feels her wave in a direction, “My name’s Suki by the way, Earthbender.”

“Hmmmph.” The woman is interesting, so Toph might as well give her a name. “Call me Bandit.”

* * *

She’s led to a small shed first. “I don’t see anyone else around,” Toph states accusingly.

“No,” Suki agrees, “That’s because to join us–the Kiyoshi Warriors–I have to teach you some history first.”

She goes on to explain the history of the island, how the warriors’ traditions were inspired by Kiyoshi, right down to the makeup they wore.

“I know colors probably don’t mean anything to you, but bear with me while I explain this, alright Bandit?”

Toph stays silent, and Suki knows by now that it’s as close to an agreement as she’ll get.

“The base of Kiyoshi’s make up was white, not because of, contrary to popular belief, the beauty that pale skin represented, but to honor the first working women in Earth Kingdom history.”

“And who was that,” Toph can’t help but ask, slightly curious.

“The geisha,” comes the prompt reply.

Toph is confused. “But weren’t they just whores?” She can kind of feel an air of disappointment around Suki and that somehow makes Toph regret her coarse choice in words.

“No, geisha were entertainers of the highest caliber, skilled musicians, artists, and hostess. Some would also entertain with their bodies, but it wasn’t a requirement for the profession. Geisha represent poise, beauty, and grace.”

“Ah.” Toph is a little embarrassed at her misconception, but she can feel Suki is pleased by her new understanding. _Sorry_ , Toph thinks silently to the geishas of time past.

Suki continues. “Red represents passion. As a Kiyoshi warrior, you must have strong opinions on right and wrong, morality and evil. You are not allowed to be a coward, and you must be ready to take any measure of actions to defend your beliefs. Staying neutral, staying uninformed, is the truest act of cowardice.” There’s an odd pause that Toph hasn’t heard from Suki before, and a slight speeding up of her heartrate.  
“And,” Toph prompts.

“Nothing,” Suki shifts a little, heartrate spiking just a bit.

“You’re lying,” Toph calls out, “I can feel your heartrate speed up.”

Suki lets out a sigh. “This is still debated among the warriors and scholars, but we have heard that Kiyoshi also meant to have the red represent blood, that you must have the conviction to remove evil even at the cost of murder. She was not an avatar who believe in pacifism, which she saw as an admittance of powerlessness. Avoiding a fight when it is not necessary is fine, but when situations escalate to a certain point…the refusal to do what must be done is cowardice. …At least that’s how Kiyoshi would have seen things. Rumor has it that she has advocated for more violent resolutions amongst avatars that have came after her, but that hasn’t been confirmed either.” Her voice wavers part way through with hesitation.

“Do you agree with this,” Toph questions.

“It is not a requirement of to join the Kiyoshi Warriors to agree with this,” Suki responds neutrally instead.

“But do _you_ believe this? Off the record, not as a spokesperson for the Warriors,” Toph qualifies.

“I think,” she confesses in a whisper, “if it came down to it. If I could save more lives from the Fire Nation soldiers by killing them…, I would not hesitate.”

Toph nods. “Your opinions must be as immovable as the element you’ve aligned yourself with,” a sentiment that the badger moles had abstractly conveyed to her more than once when she was still learning.

“Yes,” Suki agrees quietly, “But I can’t help but wonder if that makes me as bad as them sometimes.”

Toph doesn’t really have any words that can comfort this warrior she had somehow gotten attached to over the course of their conversation, but she pats her awkwardly on what she thought was going to be her shoulder, hoping it was enough. She missed slightly and ended up patting her head. Toph blushes at the mistake but pretends that was her plan from the start.

Suki takes a shaky breath, and Toph withdraws her hand. “We line our eyes with black, so that we are reminded of the gravity of the duty we have undertaken, that we must be willing to lay down our lives for the betterment and protection of our people.”

During Suki’s previous lecture, Toph had contributed a few sentences here or there, letting the other woman know why she hated the phrase ‘ladylike,’ why she had always strived to be categorized as anything but a woman. Toph isn’t sure what to think anymore, but earthbenders–by nature–are not allowed to waver in opinions for long. “You know, Suki,” she begins, “I still don’t know how I feel about being a ‘lady,’ but…Avatar Kiyoshi is one tough lady. …And if being ladylike is defined the way Avatar Kiyoshi has defined her life…, I don’t think I’d mind being ladylike.”  
Suki inhales sharply, and the two women sit there, outside the Kiyoshi museum, for a while, enjoying the peace of mind they’ve both been able to grasp through this conversation.

* * *

“It’s almost time for the Warriors to practice,” Suki states as she checks the sun’s position. “You should join us, Bandit.”

“Toph.”

“What?” Suki asks, surprised.

“My real name is Toph,” the blind girl responds. “I’d like it very much if you would use it, Suki.”

“Of course,” she agrees, “Now, let’s get going.” She offers Toph an arm, and she knows now that Suki at least does not mean this in a demeaning way, does not mean to imply that Toph is helpless because she is blind. Rather, Suki does so to be polite, graceful, poised. She does so to be a Kiyoshi Warrior. Toph takes her arm gently, and the two women make their way to the Kiyoshi Warriors’ compound in silence.

“Girls,” Suki announces after they arrive, clapping twice to get everyone’s attention, “We have a special guest observing our practice today. She’s an earthbender, and her name is Toph.”

“Welcome, Toph,” a variety of voices chime in unison.

“Now, let’s begin,” Suki declares after handing Toph a practice fan of her own. She can feel the stares of the other warriors, wondering how a blind girl will do at their complicated movements, and Toph can’t exactly blame them as sensing vibrations through earthbending isn’t exactly a common skill (due to the people’s creativity with their techniques rather than the difficulty of the sensing itself), but she can’t help but feel slightly irritated. She’d show these warrior _ladies_ that she could be more graceful, more like Avatar Kiyoshi than them.

Suki starts going through a complicated kata, smoothness in her movement born of thousands upon thousands of repetitions. And, when it’s the Warriors’ turns to copy her movements, Toph breathes in and out in concentration as she, a bit stiffly, follows the movements she had just felt. She feels some people stop mid-movement, probably to observe her, and by the end, she’s the only one moving.

“That was amazing!” One Warrior calls out. Toph is about to give her a scathing reply for underestimating her for being blind when another Warrior comments first.

“Wow, I don’t think I was that smooth my first time going through that kata. And you didn’t even trip once! I tripped at least six times!”

Soon enough, all of the Warriors are clamoring around her, patting her in congratulations and cheering her on.

“Huh,” Toph lets out, a little confused at not having to fight for every bit of acknowledgement for once. “Huh.” She’s a little confused as to why her heart starts speeding up a little bit when she hears Suki tell another Warrior she had ‘no doubt that Toph could do that;’ after all, she’s not lying right now…. She’s not even speaking.

* * *

The other Warriors leave an hour and a half later when the practice session ends.

“So, how’d you feel during practice,” Suki asks through an obvious smile, “ladylike?”

There’s a lilting quality to her voice that makes it obvious she’s teasing, but Toph stays silent. She’s been trying to figure out why her heart sped up after the first kata for the entire rest of the session, and there’s really only one conclusion that makes sense. She hopes she doesn’t ruin everything, the first good thing in her life since learning to earthbend, by what she’s about to do. Toph lunges forward, capturing Suki’s lips with her own. They’re both frozen there for several beats of Toph’s roaring heart before Suki pulls her into a hug.

“How’s that for ladylike,” Toph whispers as she pulls her face back.

“Very ladylike,” Suki whispers, breathless, before pulling her face closer for a few more pecks.

“Thank you for teaching me, Suki.”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> come scream with my friends and i: [ https://discord.gg/GTNHyNr](https://discord.gg/GTNHyNr)


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